Over the last couple of weeks, the news has been covering the Senate confirmation hearing of the latest Supreme Court nomination.  I know that a lot of people have very strong opinions about the content and the outcome of the confirmation hearing.  I am not here to agree or disagree with people, evidence, or opinions.

What really stood out for me the most was the process and the conduct of the individuals involved, specifically many political “leaders” in our nation.  The Senate hearing was full of people ignoring each other, talking over each other, and not listening to or valuing what others were saying.

The reason for the Senate hearing was important to a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, regardless of which side they were on. All individuals involved have deeply held values and beliefs that drive their decisions and their actions. Unfortunately, these adults, who should be able to express their thoughts in a civilized way, according to a set protocol, and come to a decision that is best for the American people, demonstrated some of the worst communication and perspective-taking skills I’ve seen in a while.

The Effect of Polarized Communication

When communication is polarized—people on opposite sides of an idea, issue, or decision—it is extremely difficult for anyone to stop and see from someone else’s perspective.  Sometimes, I think we expect more from people who are in positions of leadership, but we are all guilty of this at one time or another.  The only difference is that the average person does not have their ineffective communication skills and lack of perspective-taking aired on television for the world to see.

Communication is a two-way street.  We send messages to another and another may or may not receive those messages.  It depends on how we send those messages. Instead of communicating our thoughts, ideas, and feelings directly, and listening to other’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings, by stopping what we are doing, looking into the eyes of another, and truly listening not just hearing, we can easily fall into the trap of shutting people down before we’ve heard what they have to say.

Listening to others does not mean we support the content of what they have to say.  Taking perspective does not mean we change our points of view, although we may with new information.  We do not need to be afraid.  When we listen to others and can see from their perspective, it simply means we just might be able to understand a little better where they are coming from.  Then, we have a better chance at working toward a Win-Win solution rather than a more polarized Win-Lose solution.

As adults who care about the education of our own children and the children of this country, I can’t help but be disappointed in the conduct of adults who should be considered leaders.

True Leadership 

“Leaders see the needs of others and consider them important. Leaders stand on the side of truth even if they stand alone.  Leaders act on behalf of another even when it is inconvenient.” (Discipline With Purpose)

I can’t help but wonder if we can continue to call these people leaders.  I saw very few, if any, of the individuals involved exhibit the traits of leadership.

We need to instill in our children the skill set and traits of true leadership in the hopes of raising up a generation of leaders who will act with civility, communicate well, listen to others, understand another’s perspective, stand on the side of truth, consider others’ needs as important, and seek out Win-Win solutions even when it is difficult.

Do as I Say and as I Do

We have to stop telling our young people to “do as I say, not as I do.”  As parents, educators, mentors, and trusted adults, we need to be able to say, “I don’t do it perfectly, but you can watch me working at being a true leader.  You can watch me as I work to communicate effectively.  You can watch me as I try to understand other people’s perspectives. You can watch me as I struggle through tough decisions and try to do what is best for everyone, including me.”

Let’s stop letting ourselves off the hook because we don’t always have it all together.  We’re not perfect, we’ll never be.  Young people need good examples of people working hard to do it the right way.

Are you willing to step up and make these skills your own so that young people can follow your example and do it differently than what we saw these past couple of weeks?

A great way to learn and teach these skills, and so many more social-emotional skills, is by using the Planning With Purpose Planner.