Boys are sent to the office more frequently than girls.  The research has not changed. Teachers not only hold the power, but also have the professional responsibility to change these statistics.

I cannot count how many times a student was sent to me for behaviors that could have been handled at the classroom level.  99% of those office referrals were boys.  Almost every time, he said the teacher never gave him a chance to explain.  I have heard (and verified) this same story countless times over the years.

Many teachers don’t understand that when they send a child to the office they give up their authority in the classroom.  The message the teacher sends to all of the students is I can’t handle this.

Every time teachers send a student to the office, they not only miss an opportunity to strengthen their relationship with the student, but also risk an increase in the unwanted behavior.

A recent study provides evidence that using a more empathic approach when dealing with students, especially those who have a history of office referrals, leads to a stronger student-teacher relationship.  One of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationship with your students is to change your approach in handling misbehavior in the classroom.

1 – Don’t Overreact

As frustrated or angry as you may feel in the moment, keep your emotions in check by taking a couple of deep breaths.  If it is possible, let the student know they need to stop the behavior, but you will talk to them at a later time, before lunch or after class, which will give you both a short period of time to calm down.

2 – Suspend Judgement

Don’t assume a student is guilty, even if you witnessed the behavior firsthand.  Assume there is more to the story.  Wait until you have all of the information to determine the student’s level of responsibility.

3 – Use Empathic Language

What is wrong with you?  Why did you do that?  You know better.  All of these phrases are emotionally charged and are counterproductive to understanding the cause of the misbehavior and resolving it.

Use a variation of Tell me what happened from your perspective.  Additional information may surface about situations happening in the classroom with another student, at home with family members, or even with how the child feels about their own social or academic progress at school. With a clearer understanding, you can decide how to handle the situation and resolve the problem.

4 – Go for the Win-Win

Instead of thinking in terms of “a punishment that fits the crime,” think in terms of “a solution that meets everyone needs.”  Support the student in resolving the problem.  Help them Identify the problem (which may be different than first thought), generate possible solutions, and choose a solution that does not create an additional problem.  Working with students to resolve problems typically ends in a win-win for everyone.

Take an empathic approach and see the difference it will make in your classroom and in your relationship with your students.

How could you add an empathic approach to your current discipline process?  Leave a comment below.